Seven tips for dealing with Big Brother
The arrival of a baby transforms the routine of the home and the dynamics of the home. Because it requires extra care and attention, the younger child becomes the main concern of the parents, especially in the early days. With this said, it is only natural that the firstborn would start to be jealous of the younger brother.
After all, all of a sudden, all the attention that Big Brother had was focused on the child
Jealousy is interpreted as a reaction of a child who believes, when he is very young, that he has lost the love of his parents.
In this way, the firstborn expresses feelings of loss when he realizes that he will have to give up space and share the love and attention of the parents.
Thus, in a short time, the older child begins to look for ways to regain the parents’ exclusive interest, even using the children’s behaviors.
For example, he might start asking for help with eating, going to the bathroom (after he’s been doing all of this himself), and even starting to throw more tantrums.
However, it is important for parents to be tactful at this stage to deal with jealousy and make the child feel part of the new arrival.
With that in mind, we’ve broken down seven tips for dealing with the jealousy of your oldest son who just saw his brother being born. paying off!
1. Do not make comparisons between them
Praise is part of building a child’s education. However, this should not be done at the expense of the other brother.
Therefore, do not make comparisons between your children, especially when the younger ones are already older.
When we have more than one child, it is natural to notice their differences: the most affectionate, the most controlling, the most obedient, the disciplined, and the most cheerful.
The care we need to pay attention to is not to compare them with statements like:
• “You can be as affectionate as your brother”;
• “This son of mine is the most diligent of all”;
• “Your brother is more organized”;
In general, the comparisons are shocking, they exclude and directly affect the self-esteem of our children (teens, young adults and adults too).
Parents are the most important and “heaviest” characters in their children’s lives and when they throw harsh words, criticisms or comparisons, the little ones end up focusing more on what they don’t have than on their own abilities.
Our children, like us, have flaws and “weaknesses”, but each of them has unique, exclusive and wonderful characteristics, which are able to make them special and unique.
2. Encourage mutual admiration to avoid jealousy of a younger brother
If you once had an only son or daughter, there is now another family member to be associated with.
A younger sibling’s jealousy stems from the child’s perception of seeing the child as a competition for parental attention.
In this case, the role of the parents is to make it clear that the newborn is part of the family and that the older child should love her just as he loves Mom and Dad.
The same applies, of course, to the creation of the smallest. From the early years, he encouraged him to take part in his older brother’s accomplishments – a school performance, a championship, or even participate in organizing a birthday party.
Household activities and chores can be divided between the two so that they gradually realize each other’s strengths and capabilities.
3. Involve the elder in taking care of younger siblings
A good strategy that can reduce your younger sibling’s jealousy is to involve the elderly in childcare.
Call him for help with the bottle, choosing clothes, and arranging toys, among other activities.
This way, he will feel important because you trust him and put him in full knowledge of the baby’s arrival.
In this way, the feeling of participation and union is stimulated. You can be sure that he will be much less jealous and more loving.
4. Don’t neglect your virginity
We understand that a baby needs a lot of care, almost full-time. It’s breastfeeding, pediatrics, vaccinations, and more.
However, as much as the demand is, you should pay attention to your virginity.
When possible, ask the father to help out with the child’s tasks and be dedicated to listening and helping your older child.
They are scholastic not to be neglected. He too must be dying to tell stories about how his day went. Or maybe you don’t hear this little story before bed.
5. Spend time with each one individually.
When your little one is not young, try to spend time with each child individually to give them their full attention.
This is important because, at times, they have fears, doubts, and releases that they only want to do with their mom and dad.
Moments with the whole family are fun, but spending time alone with Dad or Mom strengthens the bond and makes your child feel welcome and cared for.
6. Recognize cases of intense jealousy and talk
There are times when a younger sibling’s jealousy settles down – leading to fights and tantrums towards the parents and even directed at the younger one.
At these times, scolded but above all spoke. Reinforce how important your child is, but explain the challenges of the child’s coming.
Another important part is proving that the house rules will be the same for both the older and the younger. This will certainly calm the atmosphere and the relationship between the brothers
Also, if jealousy is making your child aggressive, try asking him to channel that anger into artistic and sports activities. Use clay, paint, play dough, scraps, join in swimming, and more.
7. Encouraging friendship between siblings
As your children grow up, nurture friendship between them – even if they are heterosexual.
To grow the eldest’s love for the younger brother. Always keep the two in touch, whether it’s playing or even giving the big brother small responsibilities, like giving a bottle.
Having a brother is one way of understanding the needs of others and thus expanding our capacity for love.
Finally, with attention, affection, and balance, it is possible to circumvent the jealousy of the younger brother that the older brother feels.
Understand that this is also a stage and that the love between them, over time, will be greater than any disagreement!
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