Are your children spoiled? If they refuse to sleep without you or get very angry when they hear the word “no” they can be called spoiled, but in fact, they suffer from instability and lack of discipline. They need you, to guide and help them to adopt appropriate behavior for their age
Is your child spoiled and what to do?
When talking about raising children, you must receive some criticism from others claiming, “You will spoil the child the more you pamper him.” But what do people really mean by a spoiled child? How do you know if your child is spoiled? How can we avoid excessive pampering for our children? Most experts in the field of child rearing and development get upset when they hear the term “spoiled children.” The term used in their view is “overprotection” rather than pampering. The tendency of parents to give their children everything without them having to work for it causes harm. Of course, parents act with good intentions, but they are sending children the wrong message.
Why isn’t there such a thing – a spoiled kid
Babies cry when they need something, they are not trying to manipulate. Your job as a parent is to give love to the child and make him feel that the world is a safe place. More than that, it is very likely that a child’s upbringing will be spoiled by giving him too much and not setting limits on him. But according to this hypothesis, it is impossible to consider yourself to be spoiling your 6-month-old.
Contrary to the prevailing superstition that a child should be left to cry and not raised immediately, the accepted opinion today is the opposite. Studies show that children of parents who respond more quickly to their needs, including their cries, are happier and more independent until their first birthday. They learn that the world is a safe place and that you, the parents, can be counted on, and that you are there to help them.
What about tantrums? Does this indicate that your child is spoiled?
Tantrums in young children are a normal part of development. Children reach a stage where they distinguish themselves from the environment, and one way to do this is to refuse. If your child says “No, no, no!” When you want him to get dressed or eat lunch, it doesn’t mean he’s spoiled. It just means he is in his second year of life.
Since a tendency to cry and tantrums is not an indication that he is spoiled, how do you still know if your child is spoiled? Here are some typical scenarios:
• Excessive food selectivity
If every time the child you serve dinner, he does not want to eat what is served on the table, so that you always have to prepare a special dinner for him. If this happens once or twice that’s okay. But if a kid insists on a special order every night, he’s on his way to becoming a spoiled child. Of course, this does not include children with special nutritional needs. Do not agree to offer your child a special meal every night, even if he is not ready to eat the food you gave him. If your five-year-old loses one meal, it won’t hurt him.
• Temper tantrums in older children
For babies, tantrums are normal. This is the only way they can express their feelings. But when it comes to children aged 5-6 years, tantrums are not normal, and this is kind of tricking the parents into getting what they want.
Heavy reliance on parents
If your children are not able to go to sleep unless you are with them, and you cannot leave them alone with the grandmother or the nanny, and on the other hand, every time it is time to go to kindergarten or school they burst into tears, then this is a problem. As they get older, children should feel comfortable when they are alone and with other people.
Generation inappropriate behavior
If an older child continues to act like a baby: kicking and screaming, biting other children, and not communicating in ways appropriate to his age, this is a warning sign for you.
How do we avoid turning children into spoiled ones?
Set boundaries aimed at protecting the safety and security of the child.
The message must be firm and strict: “No running into the street” or “No touching the hot stove.” It is important to communicate messages and recommendations regarding child safety, right from early childhood.
Promoting prosocial behavior.
Encouraging behavior, sharing, saying “thank you” and “I’m sorry” instead of getting angry and imposing penalties for inappropriate behavior.
Talk frankly with your children
School and teenage children are able to understand and analyze problems. If you ask the child: “Why did you do that?” He cannot or does not always want to answer. But if you say to him, “I wonder why this keeps happening,” that’s an open question, which allows for some hypotheses, and you might be surprised by the answers you’ll get.
Hold your nerve and do not get angry because of the child’s unruly behavior. It just makes you feel bad and seem out of control (like a spoiled child). This way you do not set a good example for the child on how to behave.
Be firm in your stance
If you tell the child that he will be punished for a certain behavior, he should know that you mean it. “This time I’m really going to take this doll if it doesn’t play well.” Simply this sentence wouldn’t mean anything if you had already said it dozens of times.
When kids get out of control, it’s a request for help, not a sign that they’re spoiled. It is important to start early and set firm boundaries keeping in mind the important needs of a child’s development. This delicate balance between freedom and boundaries is crucial to a child.
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