Children grow up in spite of their parents. So don’t be too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes as parents. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Kids will grow up in spite of the mistakes we make.
Learn from your mistakes and grow. Children are growing and with them, we are growing, just as we are learning to do better and be better as parents. Only do the best you can and that will win you a lot of forgiveness from your children.
Here 6 advices for good mothering:
Let your child be a child
You want to introduce your toddler to music and the arts, for example, so you buy tickets to the symphony. One evening, you take your two-year-old to a three-hour concert and you’re sorely disappointed that they’re not going to sit still. They are noisy and disturbing to the other patrons to make matters worse. You had good intentions, but taking a Mommy and Me music class featuring classical music would probably have suited both you and your child better. That way you can introduce them to the arts and culture in a friendly, child-centered environment that encourages kids to behave like kids. Therefore, by asking them to behave older than they are in any case, brace yourself and your child for failure.
Parents need time for down. If you are your child’s full-time caregiver, make sure every now and then you have a break. When you take time for yourself, you will be a better caregiver.
Don’t believe that because you are the parent that you ought to do it all by yourself. Raising a child needs a village. Embrace and allow your village to support you.
Taking breaks away from your child on your own so you can recharge yourself. Because of the downtime you have taken, you will come back a better person, ready to parent and better take on the challenges of parenting.
Let your child experience failure
Any time they are headed for failure, do not rescue your kids. Enable it to fail your child. When they are young, particularly. Let them learn how it feels to fail early on and how to rebound from failure. Be there to walk through the journey with them, but do not save them from their defeat.
For instance, your child is working on a school project that includes building a tower, and since they have not made the foundation strong enough, you can see that the end result would fall apart.
After they go to bed, don’t repair their project. They will do their best to fix the structure on their own the next day when they go to school and it falls over when they carry it into the classroom. Along the way, you gave advice and they refused.
To prevent them from falling, don’t push your way. Enable them to fail in this because they need to know how to recover and what failure feels like. Would your baby fall apart and break down?
By asking “If the tower tips over when you get it to school, how do you think it can be repaired?” you can help coach them.
For them, you’re not doing it. You are helping them to prepare psychologically for the inevitable loss before it occurs. There will be times where you can help them solve solutions to problems. This is much better than saving them by swooping in. You won’t be there to save and comfort your kid someday. You want to help instill in them skills like resilience, so they can help themselves when they do face failure.
Don’t miss their childhood
Make a good balance of work and time with your child so that you are an active and vibrant part of their childhood.
Breathe and Notice What Your Body Feels like Inside and Out
As you’ll discover, your thought brain is not your best weapon when you feel stressed out. In fact, it might potentially make them worse by only thinking about and encouraging your attempts to “get rid” of overwhelmed feelings.
When you feel stressed, the first step is to actually slow down and relax. This does not mean you can take large gulps of air unexpectedly or breathe quickly. That’s going to make you panic!
Breathe naturally and normally. Make your breath slow down comfortably, extending the exhalation. Count 5 breaths to 10.
Get a Little Curious
Ask yourself: How do I know I’m overwhelmed? Close your eyes or soften your gaze if you are able. Imagine shifting your awareness from your outside world and sending it into your body along with your breath.
Maybe you will note the signals right away. For example, my chest is tight, my heart beats rapidly, and my legs and arms feel frustrated with energy. Or maybe you’re just going to hear some words like: I’m flipping out, struggling, or not doing it!
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