11 things to discuss with a partner before having children / Bright Side
There is an old saying that says “it’s not the time to have a baby” which is probably true. But what can make this exciting and full of life time in your life a lot smoother is discussing many topics that may have been forgotten. There will be many things to discover along the way. However, the new bundle of joy will occupy the time of these discussions when the baby arrives.
Bright Side has compiled a list of topics worth discussing with your partner before the stork arrives.
1. Who will do what jobs?
While only one person can carry the baby and experience childbirth (unless you choose another way to have a baby), there are still many chores that can be divided. There are jobs that contribute to baby care: bedtime routine, feeding (if not breastfeeding), bath time, and diaper changing. You both may want to share and do so, so it’s great to be on the same page.
But there are also the chores: washing, vacuuming, cooking, cleaning, which will increase as the little one is constantly making a mess. Although you may already have jobs assigned to you, a new routine is worth discussing so you don’t feel overwhelmed.
2. What will we do to take care of the children?
It may be obvious, but talking about childcare sparks discussions about who’s going to work. You and your partner may decide to go back to work. If so, find out who will take care of the baby. Perhaps relatives will be able to help, which may require a lot of organizing the schedules of different people.
Of course, things may change and adjust when the baby arrives, but it pays to put your cards on the table about what you see in your family life.
3. What financial choices will we make?
We all know that a baby costs a lot of money, but discussing these financial matters is vital. Creating a budget together can be helpful, as well as discussing your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to finances.
As well as other factors to consider, such as having one or more sources of income. If you’re a first-time parent, the costs will be higher and you’ll have to account for things like a car seat, crib, stroller, and clothes. And it may seem early, but knowing how much you need to save for their education gives you a great start.
4. How do we discipline our child?
We have different ideas of what discipline entails. It’s not always about punishment but how, as parents, you handle the situation in a standardized way. Talking about ways to discipline you as a child can help tell you whether or not you think certain tactics would be constructive for your child.
5. What debt will our son ever have?
It might be a simple conversation if you two are of the same faith, but if not, it might be more complex. It is important to consider whether you want to raise your child in a particular religion. With faith come holidays and festivities. There may be certain people you celebrate. If so, discussing where you will spend those holidays helps clarify how you see your life.
Besides religion, we have core values that are vital to us. You may want to talk about the values you feel are important to instill in your child, and how you plan to do so.
6. What other reproductive methods can we think of?
You may feel like both of you are on the same page, but have you discussed how you want to have a baby?
If you are unable to get pregnant, there are many other options like whether you want to explore IVF, surrogacy or adoption, this is something worth talking about. It can be a difficult conversation but it is good to be honest with your partner.
7. Where do we want to raise our child?
For some reason, babies have a lot of things, even though they are only the size of a watermelon. This could mean moving to a larger location or modifying your current space to accommodate the new person coming to live with you. It is important to make your space comfortable and functional.
You may want to move from the city to the suburbs, or you may want to approach family for help.
8. How will the sleeping arrangements be?
sleeping. The Holy Grail for new fathers. Have you discussed sleeping arrangements when the baby comes? Such as the child’s sleeping place and co-sleeping. When we run in a vacuum, we are more likely to pick up our loved ones. Therefore, finding ways to make sure that both parents maximize the amount of sleep they get is critical.
9. What will our relationship be like once the baby is born?
Couples can drift apart and unintentionally end up neglecting each other, which is understandable when a new person demands all of your attention and love. Oftentimes, parents feel that it gets easier as their child gets older, but as their child spends more time apart, the couple may find it difficult to reconnect. It can be helpful to talk about ways you can spend time together when the baby is born.
10. Do we want to take a health check?
Not only can you tell the baby’s gender, but if you choose to do so, doctors will be able to see if any other conditions are present. It is important to express your feelings about your child’s health checks early on. It’s very hard to think about, but if there are any abnormalities, discussing what to do can help.
11. How will we deal with disagreements about our child’s future?
In one survey, 54% of parents said they believe children are under severe stress when it comes to child labor in the future. Some parents may envision certain lives or hobbies for their children. You and your partner may have different ideas about what extracurricular activities you should put your child into. But they will inevitably have their own interests that need nurturing.
Parents are bound to have disagreements. But it is important to work on these differences especially, away from children. It can be helpful to explore how parenting styles complement each other and to learn how to raise parents together.
What other topics do you think are important to discuss? How did you get around those discussions?
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